I have had back pain on and off for years. I have had two disc protrusions, the first of which I was about 24 years of age and in emotional distress at the time, following a horrible marriage! The second disc protrusion was at 34 years of age through grief following the human loss of my Mam. Each and every ounce of back pain I have gone through between and since then has been due to emotional trauma.
Today, I suddenly realised what this physical pain was I have been carrying for about 18 months now! I knew it was energetic and not due to any physiological reason (I even have the MRI to prove it). I have been extra emotional this last couple of years too (more, I feel, than my Empath self should be, I'm talking extreme emotion) and felt that my soul was crying out to get my attention for some reason I couldn't put my finger on. Turns out the two pains are more than connected. I am blown away at how simple this is and always has been but I choose not to see it or go into it; because I am not an angry person!
Well it turns out I am!
Following a conversation with my intimate partner last night I knew immediately he was talking sense, (he does this!). I have been working my way through every energetic / spiritual / healing tool I have in my box but I have been missing one simple thing; logical psychoanalytical recognition of what this pain is and why it is there.
I have been repressing feelings of anger!
It really doesn't matter why, it's the acknowledgement of the feeling that's there, admitting it and honouring it. Saying that here is what I came to realise on the 'why' on contemplation so I can no longer hurt myself.
I am annoyed for a few reasons;
I have been holding myself back to not hurt others and to let others shine.
I have been rejecting myself because I let others reject me and allowed them to make me feel small.
I have been letting myself feel small so my Light couldn't shine.
I have been protecting myself with this pain from 'feeling' and 'being' fully, and from any possible future 'pain'.
I have been afraid of letting my light shine!
I am annoyed at myself for doing these things to myself yet I was continuously doing them! Well no more! As I meditated on it, and realised this I felt a shift. I stood up and went to my yoga mat (in a bikini - something I wouldn't typically do) and began to practice a powerful yang physical yoga that I haven't been able to physically practice in a long, long time! I moved and the pain moved more!
These realisations have come to me now because of the Past Life Pain I cleared in association with all the above feelings that was stuck deep in my cellular DNA and were presenting themselves in this lifetime for complete healing! Unless I had cleared the Past Life Repressed Pain I wouldn't have cleared this current pain! I feel Free!
I got angry! I am human! I am spiritual!
No more pain!
I am a beautiful bright soul and I let my Light shine!
